Showdown down under

The first time I ever had Vegemite was in 2008 and it was a bit of a shock.  Visiting Kiri's Grandad in Nelson, I woke up early and decided to sample this gastronomic curiosity.  Unfortunately, nobody was up to advise me on proper protocol.  I slathered my toast with the smooth, viscous substance the color of used motor oil (maybe 15,000 mile used), as if it were peanut butter or icing on a cake.

The first bite felt like somebody punched me in the taste-buds.  As it turns out, you're not supposed to use tablespoons of the goo, but rather, get about as much as you could scrape with one fingernail, and spread that thinly across a whole slice of bread.  That initial overdose put me off the stuff for a few years, but after some time, it turns out that I quite like a bit of Vegemite in the morning.

Many New Zealanders, however, seem to prefer the home grown 'Marmite' to the Aussie import.  I think that both originated as waste products left over after beer brewing.  I had never really tried Marmite, and the 2011 Christchurch earthquake damaged the production facility, leaving a shortage of this spreadable national commodity.  I've been told that people were literally hoarding the stuff, and selling it to diehard devotees at a premium price.

Thankfully (for all but the slime-scalpers), it seems that the sludge factory is back up and running!  My latest grocery trip found the shelves fully stocked, and I couldn't resist a little competition:  A good old fashioned showdown down under:

 

Breakfast tar, available in yellow or red.

I must admit, it was with some trepidation that I bit into my open-faced face-off. Was there some danger involved with mixing the two substances that the Kiwis all know, but forgot to tell me?  Does the black slime combust when the two varieties are combined in a stomach environment?  What exactly does an overdose in folate look like anyway?  Is this even legal?

Surprisingly, I survived and have not been deported as of yet.  To me, the two non-Newtonian condiments are remarkably similar, save for a slightly more potent mouth feel for the Australian variety.  Presumably this is because it has slightly higher salt content, which is to say 'heaps' of sodium (350% of your DV if you were to eat the whole jar, as I nearly did in 2008).  I think I slightly prefer Vegemite, although if I were really hungry I could probably eat TWO pieces of toast with the gentler Marmite, which would otherwise be completely out of the question.

The only cultural reference I am aware of relating to Vegemite is the familiar Men at Work song 'Land Down Under'.  Ironically, clicking the youtube link here brings up a message that says "not available in your country."  I guess they don't "speak-a my language."  Maybe you can enjoy the song wherever you are: